The Last Man on Earth
Sundays 9:30 PMThe Last Man on Earth Quotes
The only time you even came close to being special was when everybody died but you.
Mike
Carol: Oh my gosh, my water broke!
Gail: Way too soon for that, hun.
Carol: Oh yeah. It's pee.
There's a life in there. It's a life that's never gonna know the pre-virus world we lived in. Only this world. And this world can't suck. I won't stand for it.
Carol
Todd. Erica. Full disclosure, I have had a baker's dozen wines but I think I'm seeing something kinda on the spectacular side out here. Can I get a little confirma-doodle-do on this?
Gail
Todd: Oh. That's funny. 'Cuz your farts smell like freshly-cooked bacon.
Mike: Thank you?
This is my brother, OK? My own flesh and blood. Until two weeks ago, I thought I had lost him forever. What are the chances? The entire world dies, there are seven of us, and my brother shows up. That is not a coincidence. I said goodbye to him once. I am not gonna do it again. He has a friggin' cold.
Phil
Phil: Oh, come on, Todd-ler!
Todd: I'm not a toddler! I'm a man.
Phil: Hey, bud, I just wanted to thank you for having sex with Carol and stuff. It meant a lot to me.
Mike: Yeah, to be honest with you, I'm really excited to be an uncle.
Phil: Well, you're going to be a godfather, too.
Mike: Well, I guess that's better than being a Godfather III. Boom.
Ugh, water! Burns my throat. I just don't like it.
Gail
Erica: I got a job at the state department.
Mike: They hired you with a criminal record?
Erica: They didn't hire me. They hired Amanda Williams from Cleveland, Ohio. Majored in Political Science at The Ohio State University. Go Pi Phi! Go! Whoo!
Erica: I was in jail. I somehow got arrested for leaving a bank with some money that wasn't mine. And then a man in a uniform found a gun on me that turned out to be mine.
Mike: So you're talking about armed robbery?
Erica: More like an armed misunderstanding.
OK, guys, picnic's cancelled.
Mike
