Nicholas Brendon Quotes
Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it’s your baby!
Willow: Okay, I get it even less...
Xander: Well you know, it’s the ‘sex leads to responsibility’ thing, which I don’t personally get. You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.
Mr. Whitmore: It’s often difficult to imagine that there are negative consequences for having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?
[Cordelia raises her hand]
Cordelia: Well that depends, are you talking about sex in the car or out of the car? Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miatta parked at the top of the hill and kicked the gear shift...”
Mr. Whitmore: I was thinking of something a little more common place, Ms. Chase.
[Xander raises his hand]
Xander: You want to talk about negative consequence. What about the heartbreak of halitosis? I mean, a girl may seem spiffy but if she ignores her flossing, the bloom is definitely off the rose.
[Cordelia raises her hand]
Cordelia: Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the hoover technique is a big turn on?
Xander: What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chitchat just so you can get some touch?
Mr. Whitemore: Now! Another consequence of having sexual activity. Anyone...else?
[Willow raises her hand]
Willow: How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?
Mr. Whitmore: Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg!
Xander: Whatcha got in the closet, Ted?
[He opens the door]
Xander: Let's go.
Cordelia: But we need evidence
Xander: We got it.
Willow: What's in there?
Xander: His first four wives.
Xander: What do we know?
Willow: Well, apparently the secret ingredient is not love.
Xander: What is it?
Willow: I'm not positive, but I think it's dematorin. It's like a tranquilliser; keeps you all mellow and compliant. It also shares a few components with ecstasy.
Xander: This is evidence. This is real evidence that Ted was some kind of a crook! Buffy's cleared. Willow, you are the best human ever! I adore you.
[Willow smiles]
Xander: That's the cookies talking, but you rock!
Cordelia: I can't believe that I'm stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on earth here with you!
Xander: I hope these are my last moments. Three more seconds with you and I'm gonna...
Cordelia: “I'm gonna” what? Coward!
Xander: Moron!
Cordelia: I hate you!
Xander: I hate you!
[They kiss]
Xander: We so need to get out of here.
Cordelia: Uh huh. [She nods]
Cordelia: I can’t even believe you. You drag me out of bed for a ride? What am I...mass transportation?
Xander: That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker room talk. I wouldn't pay it any mind.
Cordelia: Oh great, now I’m your taxi and your punching bag.
Xander: I like to think of you as my “witless foil” but have it your way.
Buffy: This guy was hardcore, Giles. Angel was powerfreaked by that ring.
Giles: I’m afraid he was not overreacting. This ring is worn only by members of the Order of Taraka. It's a society of deadly assassins dating back to King Solomon.
Xander: And didn't they beat the Elks this year in the Sunnydale Adult Bowling League Championships?
Giles: Their credo is to sow discord and kill the unwary.
Xander: Bowling is a vicious game.
Giles: That’s enough Xander!
Buffy: I still don't get what this has to do with Giles.
Willow: I don't know about Giles, but ancient sects used to induce possession for bacchanals and...and orgies.
Xander: Okay, 'Giles' and 'orgies' in the same sentence. I could’ve lived without that one.
Willow Do you think Giles played “Anywhere but here” when he was in school?
Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there were only twelve grades.
Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, "There should be more math. This could be mathier."
Willow: Come on. You don't think he ever got restless as a kid?
Buffy: Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed.
[Xander laughs]
Xander: We must have some kind of amnesia.
Buffy: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often!
Xander: How do you explain this?
Buffy: I don't! I was brought up a proper lady. I wasn't meant to understand things. I'm just meant to look pretty, and then someone nice will marry me, possibly a Baron.
Xander: This ain't no tea party, princess. Sooner or later you're gonna have to fight.
Buffy: Fight these low creatures? I'd sooner die.
Xander: Then you’ll die.
Xander: Okay, I have something to tell you. And it's kind of a secret and it's a little bit scary. I like you. A lot. And I want you to go with me the dance.
Ampata: Why was that so scary? [Laughs]
Xander: Well, because you never know if a girl's gonna say “yes”, or if she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still-beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.
Ampata: Hmm...then you are very courageous.
Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke?
Xander: For twenty-one hours?
Willow: It's addictive, you know.
Giles: We'll deal with that when we've ruled out evil curses.
Buffy: One day, I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying.
