The Last Man on Earth
Sundays 9:30 PMThe Last Man on Earth Season 2 Quotes
No! You two are even now. You made him feel awful for missing your grandma's death. This is just a classic tit-for-tat situation. Your head's the tat and your grandma was the tit.
Carol
You look like two different serial killers.
Erica [to Phil]
Todd: Good evening.
Gail: What in the man of G-O-D?
Melissa: Looks like Hitler's mustache is sliding off your face.
Erica: Yeah, you look like a melon with a mold problem.
Gail: It looks like the floor of a barber shop took a dump on half your face.
Friggin' Mike.
Phil
Look, we get it. Alright, you're cooler than me. And smarter. And funnier. And more fun. You had a cooler job than me and you got all the ladies.
Phil
Phil [about his half-shaved appearance]: Know anything about, uh, this?
Mike: ..Burn?
All alone, oh my lord, then you saw my billboard, you came to Tucson 'cause of me, I was Phil now I'm Tandy, met Carol at a camp, Melissa next, oh what a gem, Todd, Gail, Erica, the new Phil, rest in peace.
Phil [singing]
Phil: Oh come on! Don't play dumb with me, ya dong. She was my friggin' girlfriend!
Mike: Whoa! Hold on a second, are you talking about Christine? I come down from space after everyone in the whole world has died, and you're talking about CHRISTINE?!
Phil: Just to be clear... dibs.
Carol: Oh my gosh. I've been dibbed. I've never been dibbed!
Carol: "Have you smoked marijuana in your life?"
Phil: What do I look like, a narc? Of course I have, Carol! C'mon, real cool person you're talking to here. Love grass. Love marijuana cigarettes.
Phil: Could you, uh, masturbate into this cup for me?
Todd: Absolutely.
Phil: You don't, uh, want to know what it's for?
Todd: No, if a friend needs semen, he gets semen!
Thatcher, looks like it's you and me on this one. Don't look away from me, don't avert your eyes. Oh, smiling at me with those irresistible British teeth. I don't like dentistry either. Where'd you crash, Amelia? Where'd you crash? Don't ask questions, just tell me! Hi Janet, hi Janet. [crying] Gonna name it after all you guys if it's a girl. Condoleezza, help me! Help me! I can't do it! I have to! I can't do it! I have to! Ahh!!!
Phil
