Futurama Season 1 Episode 4: "Love's Labours Lost in Space" Quotes
Zapp Brannigan: I'm facing a formidable female adversary, Kif. Suggestions?
Kif: I fail to see any problem, sir. You already imprisoned her under directive B-10.8-1.
Zapp Brannigan: You mean Brannigan's Law?
Kif: Right, that law.
Zapp Brannigan: Which one?
Kif: Brannigan's Law.
Leela: Hey, look! That's Zapp Brannigan's ship.
Fry: Wow! The Zapp Brannigan?
Leela: Uh-huh!
Fry: Who's the Zapp Brannigan?
Leela: Zapp, last night was a mistake.
Zapp Brannigan: A sexy mistake.
Leela: No, just a regular mistake. For a split second my common sense was overwhelmed by pity.
Zapp Brannigan: A split second is all it takes. That's why sooner or later you'll come crawling back to the Zapper.
Leela: The only kind of crawling I'm doing to you is away... from!
Zapp Brannigan: Leela, you're obviously confused and aroused.
Zapp Brannigan: Kif, you're my best and most loyal friend but you've earned my contempt once again. As my protg you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her. This time we are sure she's a woman, right?
Kif: Yes.
Zapp Brannigan: Good! Invite her to my quarters. Oh, and have the boy lay out my formal shorts.
Kif: "The boy", sir?
Zapp Brannigan: You. You lay out my formal shorts.
Fry: I heard that one time you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something-something-system.
Zapp Brannigan: The Killbots? A trifle! It was simply a matter of outsmarting them.
Fry: Wow! I never would have thought of that!
Zapp Brannigan: You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shutdown. Kif, show them the medal I won.
(Kif then points to Zapp's chest where the medal is)
Kif: Shall I fire on them now, sir?
Zapp Brannigan: Not yet, Kif. In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.
Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.
Zapp Brannigan
Leela: Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not.
Zapp Brannigan: Go ahead. I won't stop you.
Leela: Threaten all you-- Wait. What?
Zapp Brannigan: We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy... bam!
Now you're officially my woman. Kudos! I can't say I don't envy you.
Zapp Brannigan
Zapp Brannigan: Welcome to my humble chamber, or as I call it, "the Lovenasium". Sham-pag-in?
Leela: I didn't realise you were such a coin-a-sewer.
Zapp Brannigan: Well, I have studied abroad. Or two!
Zapp Brannigan: The Democratic Order Of Planets prohibits interfering with undeveloped worlds. It's a little rule known as "Brannigan's Law".
Leela: But people already interfered. That planet was mined completely hollow.
Zapp Brannigan: Yes, by a Democratic Order Of Planets mining crew.
Zapp Brannigan: Captain's journal. Star date; 3000.3.
Kif: Who are you talking to, sir?
Zapp Brannigan: You! Aren't you getting this? We have detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner... ravioli, ham, sundae bar.
