Phoebe Buffay Quotes
Joey: Anybody want a cruller?
Phoebe: Okay, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there. It's like, "Hello. Who wants one of my phallic-shaped man-cakes?"
Joey: Who've you been dating?
Chandler: (About Eddie) So, when I woke up this morning, he'd stolen all the insoles out of my shoes.
Monica: Why?
Chandler: Because he thinks I slept with his ex-girlfriend, and killed his fish.
Phoebe: Why would you kill his fish?
Chandler: Because sometimes, Phoebe, after you sleep with someone... you have to kill a fish.
Phoebe: All right I have to make a speech. I just want to say that of all the guys that Monica has been with, and that is a lot, I like you the best.
Richard: Oh, thank you Pheebs. That's very sweet.
Phoebe: Okay.
Richard: Hear that? She likes me best, and apparently there have been a lot.
Monica: Not a lot, Phoebe's kidding, Phoebe's crazy.
Rachel: Phoebe's dead.
Phoebe: Hi, um, I just thought that it would be fun if the three of us had some beers and got to know each other.
Eddie: Yeah alright. That sounds alright.
Phoebe: Oh good, okay. Oh no, I have to go because I'm late for my, um, Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Um, tonight it's why he would not eat them on a train. Have fun bye.
Chandler: (About foosball) Pheebs, play with me
Phoebe: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ah, hello, human-rights violation.
Rachel: (Watching Days of Our Lives) She just found out that she was cut out of the will.
Phoebe: Doesn't she know you can't define yourself in terms of money? That it's about values and morals and your ability to give and receive love.
Rachel: No.
Phoebe: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You are not gonna believe this. I have just been discovered.
Chandler: Now wait a minute, I claimed you in the name of France four years ago.
Phoebe: (About her edited music video) I... I've never heard myself sing before... except in my own head. This is so cool, now I can hear what you hear!
Rachel: Pretty... uh... different huh?
Phoebe: I'm sorry, but I am really talented!
Phoebe: (Looking at a water sculpture that looks like a window with rain running down it) Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.
Joey: Thanks, yeah. I love this, but you know what? It makes me want to pee.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, me too. Yeah. I think that's the challenge.
Phoebe: (About the woman who sang "Smelly Cat") I mean this poor woman.
Ross: What woman?
Phoebe: The voice woman. Ya know, I mean, she has a great voice but she doesn't have a video.
Rachel: Okay, Pheebs. But what about you?
Phoebe: Well I have a video, you have to pay attention. No this, this voice woman, she's so talented but, according to the producer people, they said she doesn't have like the right look or something, you know. I mean, it's like, she's like one of those animals at the pound who like nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough or you know. Like, like some old dog who's just kind of like stinky and. Huh, oh my God, she's smelly cat. Oh, oh that song has so many levels.
Phoebe: Oh, look at you fancy lads. What's the occasion?
Joey: Well, you know that guy that's on my show that's in a coma? He's having a brunch.
Phoebe: I'm getting a tattoo.
Ross: A tattoo? Why would you wanna do that?
Rachel: Don't you think that would be kinda cool?
Ross: No, sorry I don't. Why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right, Pheebs, and it's like I own a bad haircut all the time? (Awkward silence) Why is everyone staring at me?
