I thought pushing that woman's head through a jukebox would make me feel better, but I'm just out $54...and a marriage.

Shirley

• Permalink: I thought pushing that woman's head through a jukebox would make...
• Added: May 02, 2013

Annie: Shirley, I'm speaking for both you and me.
Shirley: Then you might want to teach your mouth to say "we," "our," and "us."

• Permalink: Shirley, I'm speaking for both you and me. Then you might want...
• Added: April 25, 2013

Shirley: Is this a bad time?
Dean Pelton (speaking as Jeff): I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a man who could be Gollum, so yeah, I'd say it's half past suck.

• Permalink: Is this a bad time? I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a ...
• Added: April 25, 2013

What happened is between us and Jesus. And Jesus don't snitch.

Shirley

• Permalink: What happened is between us and Jesus. And Jesus don't snitch.
• Added: April 11, 2013

Shirley: See? Prayer works.
Britta: So does gravity, Shirley.
Shirley: And you know who invented gravity, right?

• Permalink: See? Prayer works. So does gravity, Shirley. And you know wh...
• Added: April 11, 2013

I believe that the good Lord made Chang, Chang. Kevin is a choice.

Shirley

• Permalink: I believe that the good Lord made Chang, Chang. Kevin is a choic...
• Added: March 14, 2013

Pierce: Let's carve that jive turkey.
Shirley: Got that out of your system?

• Permalink: Let's carve that jive turkey. Got that out of your system?
• Added: March 07, 2013