South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 3 Episode 3: "The Succubus" Quotes
But mom, I have to tell Chef that he's marrying a succubus!
Cartman
(to Eye Doctor) If you call me piggy one more time, I am going to seriously rip your god damn nuts off with my bare hands!
Cartman
That bitch, she's stealing Chef from us.
Kyle
Stan: We can't fall asleep. We gotta nail that song. You got the tape recorder, Cartman? Cartman?? (taps him)
Kyle: He's asleep. Wake up fat ass!
Cartman: What what what?
Stan: Goddamnit! You can't fall asleep.
Cartman: I wasn't sleeping, I was just thinking really hard!
Eye Doctor: All you have to do is read the letters. Can you see the letters?
Cartman: Yes.
Eye Doctor: All right, read them out for me.
Cartman: (reading from the card) I AMA LITTLE PIG E. Hey! That does it! Mom!
Eye Doctor: No, no that was just a weird coincidence. I did not know how that happened. (reads the card) I AMA LITTLE PIG E. Oh, what are the odds of that.
Receptionist: Hey, aren't you that cute little kid from Jerry McGuire?
Cartman: (uninterested) Uh, yeah, sure, sure.
Receptionist: Wow, you really got fat.
Cartman: Hey!
Cartman: Hey dudes.
Stan: Whoa, what happened to your eyes, Cartman?
Cartman: My asshole eye doctor made them all dialbated.
Kyle: Why?
Cartman: Why? I'll tell you why, because he's a god damn asshole, and that's about it.
Stan: You're Chef's parents?
Chef's Mother: Yes, all his life.
Eye Doctor: How's my little piggy today?
Cartman: Hey! Don't call me a little piggy!
Eye Doctor: I just say that because you're my little buddy.
Cartman: I'm just here for an eye exam alright? Keep the fat jokes to yourself.
Eye Doctor: Hop up on the chair. Don't break it now.
Cartman: God Dammit!
Chef's Dad: And do ya know what that alien said?
Chef' Mama: Tree-fiddy.
Chef's Dad: Dammit! Will ya let me tell the story? He said tree-fiddy, and that's how I knew it wasn't no alien, it was that Goddamn Loch Ness Monster again!
Kyle: I wonder how come Cartman's not in school today?
Stan: Yeah. Usually when he ditches school, he still shows up for lunch.
Cartman: AH! IT'S THE SUCCUBUS!
Veronica: What?
Stan: A succubus: a demon from hell sent to suck the life out of Chef