Scrubs Season 4 Episode 1: "My Old Friend's New Friend" Quotes
Janitor: Sounds like fun, but no. Our game is over, buddy. Your residency's coming to a close and... that's it, nothing left to do but...
J.D.: What can I say, it's been... horrifying.
Janitor: Thank you!
J.D.: Woohoo! Ring around the Janitor! Pocket full of-
Janitor: You're funny. Pocket full of what?
J.D.: ...Zanitor.
Janitor: Not a word!
Elliot: I am not, heh, depressed, sir. In fact, nothing is gonna get me down today!
Mr. Blass: "All by myself. Don't wanna be all by my-"
Elliot: Oh, shut up!
Molly: Did you just tell my patient to shut up? 'Cause that seems not very doctory.
Elliot: No. I mean, I said it like all those high school girls do in the mall, like, "Oh, shut up!" I should go.
Dr. Cox: Uhh, Mr. Radford, do I understand you have pain issues but you don't want physical therapy?
Mr. Radford: I just don't have it in me.
J.D.: Here comes the magic. He always gives me goosebumps.
Dr. Cox: Okay, then. I sure hope you're comfortable in that bed, because you're gonna be in one just like it for the rest of your natural born life.
J.D.: What the hell was that?
Dr. Cox: That was me talking to a patient who has thrown in the towel. You can't save everyone, Newbie, so I suggest you start working with people who want your help. That's what I will be doing.
Molly: Goosebumps?
J.D.: They're small. And... you-you can't see them.
J.D.'s Narration: Also, I had to draw upon all my medical experience to get Mr. Radford out of bed.
J.D.: Mr. Radford, they're showing 'Cocoon' in the chapel!
Mr. Radford: I'm not a big Guttenberg fan.
J.D.: Well, you're the only one, 'cause people in the hall are going crazy!
That joyride around the hospital made me realize two things. First, it's a bad idea to take a full bladder out on your hog.
J.D.'s Narration
Carla: See, even though I make all the decisions, whenever I see Turk is getting upset, I throw him a little decision that means nothing to me. Like buying a new car - as long as it's got four wheels and air conditioning, I'm hap... py.
Turk: Check it, baby! Scooters!
Carla: Hehhh.
Dr. Cox: Fantastic!
Carla: Yeah, still, the point is I'm smarter than you.
Dr. Cox: In relationships?
Carla: In everything.
Dr. Cox: Right!
Carla: I'munna prove to you why my first year of marriage isn't gonna be as hard as yours was.
Dr. Cox: I think you're setting the bar a little low on that one, there, sweetcheeks.
J.D.: Please, you know you love it. Now, come on, one more time for nostalgia's sake: You come see my patient, you teach me a lesson, and then the music plays, right? In my head, it sounds like this: Ba-buh-buh-ba-buh-buh-buh, ba-buh-buh-ba-buh-buh-buh-buhhh.
Carla: Dr. Cox, can I borrow you for a minute?
Dr. Cox: Borrow me? Dearheart, you'd be rescuing me. Newbie, you're on your own. Get used to it.
J.D.: You know, Molly, I appreciate the offer, but there's a very special doctor I use around here when I need help, and he'd be pretty pissed if I didn't come to him first.
Dr. Cox: Why, Mariska? Why do you insist on bothering me with these things?
Molly: Anyway, Johnny, I was noticing that you were having some trouble motivating your patient back in there, and I actually published a paper on motivation methodology in post-operative seniors, so, if you want, I could help.
J.D.: What floor?
Molly: Oh, my god, we're on an elevator.
