Turk Quotes
Paige: I've embraced the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior.
J.D.: I'm not sure why it was suddenly so awkward but I wish something would break the tension.
Turk: (Singing) Hallelujah, a brother's 'bout to have some sex...ha ha, I say, hallelujah a brother's 'bout to have some seeeeeeex!
Carla: I paged you an hour ago!
Turk: I was in surgery.
Carla: Is that doughnut glaze on your cheek?
Turk: Guess we're not having sex, huh?
Carla: Oh, ho, ho, no. We're having sex. Get in there.
Turk: Wait, baby... I'm too full.
Carla: Now, Turk.
Turk: Man!
Carla: Turk, we're making a baby. Let's get down to business.
Turk: Honey, I need to feel the heat! I need at least thirty minutes of foreplay - then, and only then, can I be fully ready... to make love to you.
Carla: Tyra Banks.
Turk: Uhhn.
Carla: There. You're ready.
Turk: Aw, dammit, I gotta go have ovulation sex again.
J.D.: Are you actually complaining about getting to have sex? Because that is so insensitive, Turk!
Turk: J.D.!
J.D.: Let me feel my feelings, Turk! We worked on this!
Turk: I've really gotta stop doing that!
Turk: And vagina is?
Elliot: Disgusting! But also Vajingo or Hoo-Hoo.
Carla: Okay, so my cervical mucus is peaking, my temperature is slightly elevated, and these pillows will keep my vagina angled so that the semen can pool against my cervix.
Turk: Baby, that is some god-awful dirty talk.
Elliot: You can talk to me if you want?
Turk: Elliot, I can't talk to you about sex - I don't understand any of that crazy gibberish you use. Penis is "schwing"-something...
Elliot: "Schwing-schwong," "peepers," or "peep."
Turk: And vagina?
Elliot: Disgusting! But also "bagingo" and "ho-ho"
Turk: I'm trying to get in the mood, right? And Carla's going on and on about her Cervical Muccus.
Elliot: Ap-ap! From now on Cervical Muccus, will be referred to as Icky Sticky.
Turk: You have to help me end this angry sex cycle!
Carla: I'm ready.
Elliot: Oh, Carla, uh, Turk's making you mad on purpose because the angry sex is so good. The cycle is broken!
Turk: Ahhh! Sex time, people!
J.D.: He's married, so it's strictly procreation sex. His wife's throwing her legs up in the air, because they're trying for a boy - like Jesus!
Elliot: Uh, what's with the second beeper?
Turk: Carla gave it to me. She's got me on 24-hour baby-making alert. Man, we haven't had sex since her last ovulation. Did you know that women only do that once a month?
J.D.: Of course I knew that, Turk. I'm a doctor.
J.D.'s narration: Once a month? That's crazy!
Turk: Baby, all I'm saying is that in some European countries, it's totally acceptable for a man to have a mistress.
Carla: Why you-
(He kisses her again, and she fiercely pulls him to her.)
Turk: Mm! Mmmhhgh.
(Time lapse...)
Carla: I'm gonna make you pay for every word you said!
Turk: Worth it!
Elliot: Turk! Just go back to the way things were. Carla loved it. Don't you get it? Trying to make a baby with you is the sexiest thing in the world to her.
Turk: Elliot, I'm a man. I've been programmed to think that a baby is the worst possible consequence of sex.
