The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMr. Burns Quotes
Ooh Smithers! A blue-collar bar! Let's go slumming!
Mr. Burns: Are you acquainted with our state's stringent usury laws?
Homer: (Unsure) U...sury?
Mr. Burns: Silly me! I must have just made up a word that doesn't exist.
(Homer prepares to take out a loan from Mr. Burns.)
Mr. Burns: Just sign this form and the money will be yours. (Laughs evilly) Sorry, I was just um...erm...thinking of something funny Smithers did today.
Smithers: I didn't do anything funny today.
Mr. Burns: Shut up!
Mr. Burns: Oh, Smithers, I was wrong to play God. Life is precious, not a thing to be toyed with. Now take out that brain and flush it down the toilet!
Smithers: Sir, his family might appreciate it if you returned the brain to his body.
Mr. Burns: Oh, come on, it's 11:45!
Smithers: It's the man in the bag sir; I think he's still alive!
(Mr. Burns beats the bag with a shovel.)
Mr. Burns: Bad corpse, bad corpse! Stop scaring Smithers! Satisfied?
Smithers: Thank you, sir.
Mr. Burns: Will you quit your complaining!
Smithers: Sir, You know what this means? He is alive.
Mr. Burns: Oh, you're right Smithers; I guess I owe you a Coke.
Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!
Mr. Burns: Little do they realize their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.
Smithers: Oh, in the meantime, sir, may I suggest a random firing? Just to throw the fear of God into them?
Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat-o-nine-tails!
Every bone shattered . . . organs leaking vital fluids . . . slight headache . . . loss of appetite . . . Smithers, I'm going to die.
Smithers: Sir, where's my radiation suit?
Mr. Burns: How the hell should I know? (as he covers the "Smithers" label on the suit he's wearing)
Computer Voice: 90 seconds to core meltdown.
Smithers: Sir there may never be a better time to say...I love you, sir.
Mr. Burns: Well, hot dawg. Thank you for making my last moments on earth socially awkward.
