The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXApu Nahasapeemapetilon Quotes
Homer: No offence Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have been out taking a whiz.
Apu: Mr. Simpson, please pay for your services and get out and come again!
Please do not offer my god a peanut.
You ducks are really trying my patience! But you're so cute!
Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Reverend Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and
neighbors when they came to your aid, be they Christian (Ned), Jew (Krusty), or ... miscellaneous (Apu).
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.
Apu: You are on your honor not to steal anything.
Kearny: (lying and eating a box of cereal) Oh we won't.
Apu looks at them for a moment and then puts a little boy on the counter.
Apu: Little Jamshed, the store is in your hands.
Little Jamshed: Oh, how I have waited for this day. (whips out a shot gun and cocks it.)
Kearny's shocked as his mouth hangs open and he drops the box of cereal.
(Singing)
I am just a lonely paperboy,
No romance do I seek;
I just wanted forty cents for my
Deliveries last week;
Will this bewitching floozy
Seduce this humble newsie?
Oh, what's a paperboy to do?
Bart: Rough day, Apu? Help me a squishee and don't spare the syrup.
Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee.
Bart: Oh... okayslurp
Apu: You can really taste the chutney!
Ooh, they used nylon rope this time. It feels so smooth against my skin. Almost sensuous.
Edna: One scratch-n-win, Apu.
Apu: Mrs. Krabappel, I haven't seen you since we doubled our prices. Still teaching?
Edna: Let's see. scratches lottery ticket One more day, at least.
He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.
</i> Apu
Apu: Now, these hot dogs have been here for three years. They are strictly ornamental. There is only one bozo who comes in and buys them.
Homer: But I eat...oh.
Krusty: Ooh! Sex Chat! (dials)
Voice: You've reached the Party Line! In a moment, you'll be connected to a hot party, with some of the world's most beautiful women! Now, let's join the party!
Krusty: Hello?
Man 1: Hello?
Man 2: Hello?
Apu: Are there any women here?
Krusty: Hello!?
Apu: Are you a beautiful woman?
Krusty: Do I sound like a beautiful woman?
Apu: This is not as hot a party as I anticipated.
